Gentle Giant

 INTERNAL LANDSCAPES

For as long as I'd known him, a dear friend had grieved over the estrangement of a once-close friend. Although he had thought it impossible, they had just recently reconnected after that gap of lost years; and then, he died - very suddenly & unexpectedly.

Grief has to be the least charted of emotions; the hardest to navigate. Not quite knowing what to do with himself; unable to sit, or stay still for any period of time, I suggested we meet on the sea front. Walking back & forth in the cold night air, until my friend had talked out enough regret, remorse, shock, and bitter-sweet memories to let it rest that evening. 

In the process of our night-walks by the sea, I heard so many stories and mad anecdotes, I felt privileged to 'meet' his friend second hand, and kind of fell in love with him, too. Obviously larger than life in every way: crazy, funny, loyal.  Irreplaceable. I grieved, and decided I'd make a tribute for my friend to remember him by. 

A small palm-sized cigar-box painted black; adding to the front an album cover, significant to my friend.

The map showed the country they'd both lived in before my friend left. My friend, a writer-poet, poured his heart out in a powerful, heart-wrenching poem as his own way of coming to terms with the irrevocable loss. I used excerpts from it, and added a black & white head-shot.

One evening as we walked together, I chanced upon a tiny bottle labelled Breathe. My friend laughed at its appositeness, so much-needed, at that very moment; taking in at the same time that it was a typical kind of happenstance he  had witnessed so many times when with me.  

The little bottle seemed to 'fit' in every way.

I'd had such a warm and detailed picture of this gentle giant friend, I felt as though I knew him. And, strange to say, it seemed as though he came to visit a couple of times, usually as I was soaking in the bath. Imagination can be a powerful healer; I went along with it. 

He had, from what I'd heard, lived & played hard; thoroughly enjoying all his vices. Obviously very loving & loyal, and just too damn young to die. The shock to family & friends was palpable (even at one step removed) with all those last scenes replayed; last dialogues re-run; questions & endless soul-searching. He himself would not have been prepared to go so suddenly; so young. 

I prayed for him, his friends & family. And was grateful my little tribute brought so much comfort to my friend. The least I could do. R.I.P. Gentle Giant.